Let’s take a flash back to the beginning of 2020 where I began treatment for my Eating Disorder at Newmarket House. It was here that I discovered that by talking about things and addressing them I had no choice but to seek help for what was really troubling me deep down and although it’s been one hell of a ride I am now really settling into my new life as Mr Jode David Wells. The Dysphoria I had towards my body was extremely powerful which lead to me abusing my body by diminishing female features by simply losing weight. It was quick and easy and filled me with a sense of accomplishment but overall it was extremely dangerous as I would literally vomit any form of food or fluid straight back up. To some people it will never make sense as to why you would choose to abuse your body in that way and simply make you very ill physically and mentally but for me it served a much needed purpose and made me feel comfortable without having to admit my troubles.
Over the years I have just learnt to hide it so well, but there’s only so much lying that once self can do before cracks really begin to show. The worry and pain I put those closest to me through was very unfair and selfish of me but it is now with the right the right mental support and being on Testosterone Treatment since November that I am beginning to fully accept who I truly am. Things are now starting to step up a gear and the ongoing support from my family, friends and even strangers has really given me that lift to see that there is a place in this world for me. I never wanted to be miserable or sad, or make myself extremely ill to the point I nearly died but having Gender Dysphoria is so much more than who you identify as. I pushed away help and support for so long as I tried to suppress my feelings and tried to live the life of my biological sex. Sadly these feelings you can’t suppress for ever and it is now with the correct support from mental health services that I can say I am now in a much better place physically and mentally. I began Private Hormone Treatment to start Testosterone in November as the Gender Identity Clinic on the NHS is currently at a 4-5year wait if not longer due to COVID, I now live entirely as a male and behave in my preferred gender role, I have joined support groups with others suffering from Gender Dysphoria and have changed my name legally and updated everything in my New Title as MR Jode David Wells. (BEST FEELING EVER) I have 2 hours a week of Therapy provided by the Great Yarmouth & Waveney Youth Team who really have teamed me up with someone who truly understands me and what I’m going through a background of people with eating disorders and Gender transitioning really is a match made in heaven. I also have fortnightly private counselling with Gender GP who provide support to the Trans Community as well as undertake my hormone treatment and it is with all this that I have learnt so much about myself and can truly say I am kicking this Eating Disorder to the curb as I have now not been sick in over 4 weeks and have managed to eat healthily and enjoy food and put on over 2 stone. I can officially say that I am no longer Anorexic but that of a Healthy Weight with no sickness what so ever. Proud to finally say I’m free from the dreaded illness and recovering well and enjoying my new found energy and motivation to a much better happier and healthier lifestyle. I honestly thought this day would never come but I have had so much support and drive to get myself to a mentally and physically better place that all the years of abusing my body is a sign of the past and fast forward to now there really is no better feeling than being able to be who you were born to be!! (HALLELOUJAHHHH)
“Money Can’t Buy Happiness but it can Buy Top Surgery and that’s the same thing”
Moving forward in my journey has always been my priority so it is with that I have decided to use my house deposit savings and kind donations from everyone on my GoFund me Page to secure the money for my Top Surgery of which I have a consultation for on the 7th September 2021 at the London Welbeck Hospital with Dr Miles Berry to go ahead with a Double Incision with Nipple Graft to remove the things I hate the most my BOOBS and create the all important male contoured chest!!! It really will be the gift of a lifetime and a surgery that really will change my life and my difficulties surrounding my body dysphoria. Yes it involves a hefty financial transaction, but what I’m going to get in return exceeds the satisfaction money can’t buy.
My surgery date will hopefully be a year on from taking Testosterone which will have increased masculinising effects to optimise my chest for top surgery. I should in theory have less body fat and broader shoulders. I am using this time to now work through my fears, motivated by the increasing discomfort of binding my chest and doing regular exercise and strength training incorporated with healthy eating to give the surgeon less fat to work with in turn giving me better results. (Fingers Crossed!!)
“We are in this together, and we will get through this together”
I know 2020 and the start of this year has been really shit for everyone, it’s broken and touched people in many different ways. COVID for me has really changed my perspective on life and made me realise what, and who is important and to never take anything for granted as well as feeling very lucky and privileged to be in the position I’m in as rewind back a few years I never thought any of this would ever be possible.
“No love is greater than that of a Father for his Son”
My Mum and Dad have been my rock throughout this whole process, helped by the fact that my own approach to transition has all been at my own pace. They both have accepted everything with open arms and always want to talk about it and support my choice fully as well as using the correct pro-nouns and calling me Son gives me such a warm feeling or when they call me KING HAHA!. The dynamic works well for all of us as a family especially the classic father-son bond of which my Dad has always wanted not that we never had it but it has just got so much stronger. Everyone understands my reasoning behind my transition and has helped make it happen so smoothly and helped me get to this place where I am today. I’m beyond grateful for that and for the strong relationships I have maintained and I am so excited to continue sharing my journey with everyone who has supported me through out the highs and the lows of my transition.
This is quite a short one for me as I normally tend to waffle on and write loads but I feel this sums up where I’m at and the direction I’m heading. Massive thanks again to everyone for you kind words, support and generosity its the little things that really do make a difference. If anyone would still like to donate the link can be found below or on my Facebook page. Love to everyone!!
The Mind Diary 